Friday, February 22, 2013



Let’s leave the Gorgonians alone for now. The Sondrak Imperials used the same strategy during their attack in the Earth year 1953. Where are they? Ah…

(That this point the Sondrak shuffle into the auditorium. Their trisected eyes have trouble adjusting to the gloom so they bump into a few of the other guests.)

There they are. Come in. Find a seat. Watch the slime trail. Got to be careful when you follow the Gorgonians. Speaking of which…

You were the next large scale invasion of Earth. Like the Gorgonians, you launched your pods from a base on Mars. This time, you primarily landed in an area called California. Then you sat in those pods and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

I have to ask, this has been killing me since I started this project. What were you doing in there that was so damn important? In the name of all that’s military, didn’t you travel light years to invade the planet? Then why didn’t you start invading the second you landed?

SONDRAK: We were trying to catch the Earthlings off guard?

WAR HAWK: What the hell!

Off guard? A few days ago, they didn’t even know you were even in their solar system. You can’t get much more “off guard” than that.

fought numerous campaigns, and when the time came to break orbit and land on enemy territory I was always running all over the place. I was rushing from LZ to LZ, from battle to battle. I was working really hard. I’m not the only one. Sardonus Jek ran around during the Altarian invasion. The Black Band rushed across half a planet during the invasion of Centaur 7.

But maybe we were the ones who were wrong. Maybe we could have sat nice and snug, buttoned up inside our landing vehicles, and waited. Maybe that’s the key to victory. Except you guys didn’t win, did you?

The word “wait” should not be in a soldier’s vocabulary. There is no point in not attacking as soon as you make contact with the enemy.

If you’re waiting to try and catch the Earthlings off guard, that’s just not going to happen. They’re been through this now several times before. The Earthlings will be a lot things; afraid, paranoid, on edge, pissed off. The one thing they won’t be is off guard. You’re not gaining the element of surprise, you’re losing it.

Yet another vital element is being sacrificed before the invasion has even begun. I would argue it’s even more important than the high ground.

So many times, you can do everything wrong in a battle. Every part of your plan can be one hundred percent crap but, if you have the element of surprise, you can still carry the day. It’s happened to me several times. It’s happened to Jek just as many. One time, we were fighting the Meglons off Kellsworld. We were out gunned, out manned and in a lousy position. But we hit them when they least expected it and from a direction they didn’t foresee. And we routed them.

Let’s flip this around. The Droto attacked the planet Miir with a flawless plan. They had their targets picked out. They had the right troops, the right weapons. Nothing could go wrong. Except the Miiri had advanced warning. Even though they had a fraction of the firepower of the Droto, they annihilated the invasion force to the last ship.

What were the Earthlings doing while you guys were locked up in your pods of death? Taking precautions. Initiating emergency protocols. And anyone in the area who had the good sense to get out of there, got out of there. This is exactly what happens when you give up the element of surprise. Vital targets move or fortify. Forces are on alert. Weapons are made ready.

Even though the first strikes by the Sondrak were brutal, they were not as successful as they could have been. Forces were destroyed and lives were lost. But it was by no means a crippling blow. And when you did come out of your pods you were dealing with a military that was on high alert.

So you can see the mistakes are mounting up, and the first shots haven’t even been fired yet. Not a good sign.

Friday, February 15, 2013



As my first maneuver, instead of landing, I would have put four big ass beam weapons in high orbit around the planet.

The humans’ early ballistic missiles might have been able to reach low orbit, but not very quickly. This simple attack could have been easily countered just by getting out of the way; with beam weapons, you can pull back to almost the orbit of Earth’s moon and still be effective. Another thing the Earthlings didn’t have during this invasion was radio wave detection apparatus, what they call RADAR. The Gorgonians could have set up these firing platforms without anyone on Earth even noticing. Finally, back then the terrans did not have any kind of deep space fleet, so there would be no need to guard against a flanking maneuver.

Taken all together, that makes your first invasion an utter crime against military planning.

Take the high ground! And orbit is the highest possible ground physics will allow. Beam weapons are devastating, but so are missiles. Hell, you don’t even need warheads. Just send some scout ships to the asteroid belt and have them nudge a few rocks into position, then let them loose.

For future references, please take note. Beam weapons provide you with near instant fire support. And, because you’re in space, you can use weapon systems that are too bulky or dangerous to operate on the planet’s surface. X-ray lasers, for example, require a huge matter/anti-matter reactor just to power up. It takes another huge ass reactor to generate the power used to harness and focus the laser. The whole assembly by itself is the size of a large battle cruiser. This isn’t a weapon you can take down to Earth. Even if you could, your troops wouldn’t appreciate fighting next to something that could potentially blow up and take out a huge piece of the planet they’re standing on.

We’ll get into choice of weapons later, but don’t go all in on X-ray laser or other massive weapons. Why? Because they are only good if you need to blast an entire island off the Earth. You might need less firepower, especially if you need to colonize the planet for some reason. That’s why your weapons platform should have a proper mix of heavy, medium, and light weapons.

The light weapons are for base defense. Even if you’re going up against an opponent with limited spacecraft capabilities, that doesn’t mean he won’t at least try. You ever try targeting a single ship with a massive weapon like an X-ray laser? It isn’t easy.

You can bring more platforms if you want to be a crybaby, but four is the minimum you need. Each platform can cover a hemisphere.

Having just two would mean there would always be an area on the surface that was at a very steep angle to the weapons on the platform. A steep angle can make targeting difficult, if not impossible, and the whole idea here is that you leave no spot on the planet’s surface that you can’t hit with force. You don’t want the Earthlings to have any safe harbors. Four allows each platform to stay in communication range with two other platforms at all times in the unlikely case trouble arises. With exception of the poles, there wouldn’t be any spot on Earth that didn’t have weapons directly overhead. Also, if there’s a gun malfunction, you have at least two reserve batteries to take up the fire missions.

Having high orbit weapons is the key to any planetary invasion. It allows you to devastate whole areas without ever setting foot on the ground. You don’t even need beam weapons or anything.

Orbital weapons platforms can so dominate the battlefield that there have been many times they forced a planet’s surrender by themselves.

That’s how I would have done things back then. Unfortunately, we’re no longer talking about a planet that doesn’t even know how to launch a rocket. After several invasions, they have taken precautions. They haven’t been subjected to orbital weapons yet, but they have planned for their defense.

There are now very powerful directed energy weapons on the planet. Previously they were being used for nuclear fusion experiments, but they have since been turned skyward. They pose a definite threat to any orbital platform. Also, the terrans have hidden what amount to space mines around their orbit. They have had a lot of problems with copying technology from previous invaders, but they have gleaned enough to make a device that will quickly reach an object and explode.

These mines are disguised as dual function communication arrays. You probably won’t notice anything is amiss until one of them blows up in your face. You haven’t spent a lot of time on Earth but, trust me, it would be really embarrassing to get taken out by DirecTV.

Friday, February 8, 2013



WAR HAWK: Let’s start with the first large-scale military operation against Earth, the Gorgonian invasion of 1898.

(At this point the Gorgonians arrive making their distinctive sound as their slime coated tentacles scrape the auditorium floor.)

Ah, there you are. The Gorgonians. Find a seat in back, guys. Just clean up after yourselves. They say never trust a race that leaves a slime trail; you can never tell when they’re taking a piss.

MODERATOR: That’s insensitive.

WAR HAWK: Seriously? They may want to cover their aural orifices then because it’s not going to get any more polite. Your operation has served as almost a template for the subsequent big attacks on the Earth. So you guys have a lot to answer for.

To review, the Gorgonians set up a base on the Earth’s closest planetary neighbor, Mars. They then sent several invasion pods from Mars to the Earth, mostly the nation called England. The Earthlings’ first hints that something was amiss was when they saw the small flashes in the sky. They didn’t even have radio deflection technology at the time, so the landings took them completely by surprise.

Sounds like total success right?

Wrong! In fact, the Gorgonians had already screwed up by this point. Ten seconds in, and they had already made a fundamental strategic mistake. What is it?

The landing itself.


Yes, the humans are down on the surface. But there’s this little thing called the high ground. It’s a concept only as old as warfare. By entering Earth’s atmosphere and coming down to its surface, you’re giving up the high ground! The very first large scale Earth invasion began with a fundamental error, and all the subsequent invasions have repeated this error. When the Sondrak Imperials invaded nearly a century later, they landed in a more remote section of the planet. When General Dronn brought his huge ships, he had them hover over several of Earth’s major cities. But it doesn’t matter if you bury a pod in a remote desert or send dozens of craft to hover over the capitals and major cities. Just by leaving high orbit, you’re already surrendering the high ground. You are, in fact, surrendering the highest ground that is physically possible. The Earthlings haven’t even fired a shot, yet have already achieved a major victory.

On Earth, they have a saying: “It ain’t rocket science.” It this case, it literally is. High ground exists because of gravity. When an enemy is fighting uphill, he is fighting against both you and gravity. You will never expend as much energy against the force of gravity as when you are putting a ship or other object into orbit. For us, with our technology, it’s not such a big deal. Our ships easily generate enough energy to defeat Earth’s gravity. We even have systems that can negate gravity’s effects, making launches and landings as gentle as a breeze.

But Earth doesn’t have these technologies. Even after repelling countless invasions, they are still stuck at Tech Level Six for reasons I’ll get to later. For them, it takes considerable effort to place anything in orbit. They have only begun to create weapon systems capable of attacking an enemy stationed up there, and they are still primitive by out standards.

I can’t put this any plainer. Earth is in no position to attack an opponent that is in orbit, and they have few defenses against an attack from that position. So putting a weapons system in orbit causes a lot of problems for the Earthlings; you can fire down on an entire hemisphere; meanwhile they would struggle to launch any kind of counter strike. But if you never put a weapons platform in orbit, the Earthlings never have to worry about that situation.

It’s the same thing on a land battle. If you occupy a high hill that commands the surrounding countryside, would you just abandon it at the start of the battle? The humans don’t have to expend any time or effort recapturing the high ground of space, and thus they can focus their energies on other threats.

High ground, people. Look it up under B A S I C S H I T.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013


When this all started, Earth wasn’t even at a Tech Level Six. It was more of a Five, even close to a Four. Let that sink in. Also note I’m going to be using a lot of Earth measurements for dates, time, distance, and volume so we’re all on the same page.

1880: The first invasion was so small and remote that for years everyone thought it was a hoax. A small contingent Xernians landed with a large mining vessel and started extracting gold in the area that today is called the state of Arizona in the country known as U.S. of A. The Xernians are not here yet. I hope they show up because I have more than a few questions I want to ask them about this little operation. Anyway, the Xernians managed to get blown up by agricultural workers referred to as cowboys using a very low grade explosive called black powder.

1898: The next invasion was carried out by Gorgonians. They first set up a supply base on the nearby planet Mars and attacked from there. Their main target was the country called the United Kingdom. A few weeks after they landed, the invasion force was crippled by an Earth virus.

1950: Then you guys decide to leave the Earth alone for over half a century until the Sondrak Imperials recreated the Gorgonian attack, same staging area on Mars. Though this time they concentrated on the territory called California. They also landed large ships and depended on large combat vessels. And this invasion also ended with a virus wiping out most of the invasion force.

Then it happens in rapid succession.

1960: The Scythian Bloodlords attack the U.S. of A capital Washington, D.C. Only to have the Earthlings destabilize their craft and cause many of them to crash.

1970: The Egabalians tried to take over an area of San Francisco by replacing the humans there with near perfect duplicates. Once their nest was discovered it wasn’t much of a fight.

1980: The Vuralans stage a small scale invasion in a remote area of Ohio and terrify and consume the local inhabitants. Mostly a group of co-eds on their Summer break until they were destroyed.

1996: General Dronn brought the largest invasion force to date to Earth. He used huge mother ships and fleets of smaller fighters. His first strike was against New York City where he blew apart some famous landmarks. It worked, all right. Until that computer virus took out his shields.

2000: The Str’ee Collective decided to mark their landing zones with crop circles. These were largely in the rural areas of Pennsylvania. They were stopped by their vulnerability to water. God damn water!

2011: The last invasion to date was launched the Magelian Horde, right over there. From their base in Roswell, New Mexico they conspired with some of Earth’s industrialists for a quiet take over. How’d that work out? Not so good, huh?

That was depressing. Over a century of hostile incursions, and not one of them successful. We’ll change all that by the time we’re done, but it isn’t going to be easy or pleasant.

We’ll tackle the invasions that didn’t use direct military confrontation later on, but this next part will focus on the large-scale invasions. By now, you should be seeing a pattern with these kinds of operations; they all tend to follow the same strategy, and they all tend to fail. Why do they fail? Because the basic approach is flawed. The fact that you continue to follow the same basic invasion plan is baffling to say the least. The question isn’t: “How does the Earth survive?” It’s: “How the hell did you think this was going to work in the first place?”

Well, no more! Even if you haven’t made adjustments, the Earthlings have. A hundred years of alien invasions will do that to a planet. If you try to invade Earth, this time you had better do it right. First, we’ll look at what you did wrong on a basic level, and then show you how I would have done things differently.

Friday, February 1, 2013


The following is a transcript of the symposium on Galactic Warfare held on Tau Ceti 58 taken from one of the last known recordings. The topic is the Sol System planet called Earth; specifically how a small, backwater, Tech Level Six world was able to repulse multiple invaders equipped with far superior technology. In attendance are representatives from the failed invasion forces, plus several other warlords who have expressed interest in attacking the Earth. The speaker is the famous mercenary Tyranis Kaeyn, also known as War Hawk. The poor fool chosen as moderator is one Fangan Smilira of the War-Co mercenary consortium.

MODERATOR: Thank you all for attending. I’d like to start by saying --

WAR HAWK: Knock off the small talk. I didn’t get to where I am today by wasting time. Besides, etiquette isn’t what you buffoons need.

MODERATOR: But I need to introduce you to --

WAR HAWK: These guys know who I am. More than a few have my boot print on their asses. Remember when I blew your command center, Moloch? And last time I saw you, Dronn, you were getting trampled by your own panicked soldiers. Sardonus Jek? Wait? Where is Jek?

MODERATOR: Sardonus Jek was scheduled to be here, but hasn’t shown up, yet. Several others are late.

WAR HAWK: I’m shocked to see that name on this list. Sardonus Jek is a pro, and should know all the material I’ll be going over. As for the rest of you, the galaxy is full of scumbags, but even scumbags have standards. And you lot are at the lower end of those standards.


WAR HAWK: If hearing the truth is going to be problem, you should get up and leave right now. You want to believe the real badasses in the galaxy -- the Ardonians, the Scarmans, the Eldarans, the Saurians -- quake at the mention of your name? Fine. Just sit there and dream of glory. Those of you who want to join reality, pay attention. The truth is, you guys represent some of the least respected military forces in known space, and that was before you tried and failed to take over the Earth. Getting your butts kicked by a Tech Level Six planet just sort of cemented your positions as the lowest of the low.

Now, the rest of the galaxy doesn’t care much about why you do anything, but I have to admit I’m a little curious. Why are all of you attracted to this one insignificant planet? There are a lot of other easy targets around, planets that haven’t put up such fierce resistance. What makes this one so special to you? Why did you all decide the Earth was worth invading in the first place?


WAR HAWK: No takers, huh? We’ll address why you’re picking on this one planet later on. Now as to why you failed to conquer this one planet, and this is as polite as I can make it, you all failed because you were idiots.

MODERATOR: Could you elaborate? And could you possibly do so in a way that won’t result in a brawl?

WAR HAWK: I can’t make any promises. As a professional, I take pride in my work. And going over all the things you did wrong really hurts that pride even though I wasn’t involved. Yeah it’s that bad.

Let’s just take a look at what we have here. Planet Earth. Tech Level Six. Barely a Six, really. Their energy infrastructure is largely fossil fuels. They have limited nuclear technology. Even more limited space technology. They don’t have matter/anti-matter reactors. They don’t have high capacity energy storage. They don’t have hyperspatial gates, or inertial control systems. They don’t have energy deflection shields. For a long time, they didn’t have directed energy weapons. That’s just a tiny sliver of the advantages you had when you came to Earth. What happened?

GENERAL DRONN: It was not our fault. It was --

WAR HAWK: That was a rhetorical question. Does anyone here want to get shot?


That’s better. I don’t care what excuses you have because that’s all they are: excuses.

Now that I heard about this place, I was a little impressed. So I went down there.

MODERATOR: Don’t shoot me, please. I just want to point out to the assembly that the Earthlings are remarkably similar to War Hawk in appearance. So he was able to conduct an up close observation of the planet for several of their years and --

WAR HAWK: The place is a dump. I went down there thinking I’d find something special. I found a species that was brave and resourceful, sure enough. But they also had problems. Everyday, these meatbags did something completely idiotic.

The first few months, I kept thinking they were going to blow themselves up. How they’ve managed to make it to even Tech Level Six is beyond me.

But that just makes you look even worse for not being getting the job done. The problem wasn’t the Earthlings. They’re resilient, of course. They didn’t give up after the first burst of laser fire. But that’s not uncommon. Most people fight back when they are attacked. The Earthlings were brave, but they weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary. The key was they fought and behaved like soldiers, like they were fighting a war.

You, on the other hand, did not. Almost from the start, your plans and tactics made little military sense. And that’s the real reason you lost.

MODERATOR: So the War Hawk has been good enough to set up a presentation --

WAR HAWK: Shut up for a second. How many people are we missing? I’m going to be talking about all the past failures, and some of those failures haven’t shown up yet.

MODERATOR: We’re still missing some, besides Sardonus Jek and a few others. Do you want to postpone?

WAR HAWK: Hell, no. The stragglers will just have to keep up. I trust they can copy somebody’s notes?


Laugh it up. You’re not going to have that much to laugh about in a little bit. So back to the subject at hand. I took a look at the Earth and found nothing that spectacular. Then I reviewed the invasions themselves, and there was the answer.

You guys screwed up.

No, I mean you guys screwed everything up, from the planning stages, all the way down to the equipment used by the frontline troops. The secret to Earth’s success isn’t on Earth, at all. You are letting them win. Usually, you do it before the first shots are even fired.


I told you this wasn’t going to be pleasant. But if you want to improve, you’re going to have to hear some uncomfortable truths.

There is plenty of good news. Your mistakes are correctable. You can get better. Iif you stop handing the Earthlings easy victories, if you stop contributing to your own defeat, then the Earth doesn’t stand a chance. With the right strategy, the right tactics, and the right mindset, your next invasion will succeed.

Am I right in assuming there will be a next invasion?

(Murmurs of agreement.)

Then let’s get started.