CHAPTER 37

BECOMING THE MEN IN BLACK

Continuing with the theme of how strange Earthlings are, there are some humans down there who insist that their planet was successfully conquered. Strange, I know, but this myth insists that aliens took control years ago, and that Earth’s freedom is nothing but a carefully constructed lie. Like the Space Pharaoh group, this is an extreme fringe whose beliefs until recently were thoroughly at odds with known history. That is, until the Magelian conspiracy was uncovered. This was a shock that gave the “secret alien overlord” myth new life. And it was this myth that Kanjar Horn exploited to complete his assignment.

Horn’s another associate of mine. We’ve worked together. We respect each other. I can say this: his mind follows some very strange paths.

Horn decided to use this myth of a secret alien conspiracy not to get an Earthling to work for him, but to get an Earthling to work against him. Well, he wasn’t really working against Horn, he just thought he was. And…

ARRGH!

Forget it. It’ll all make sense by the time I finish. I hope.

Let’s begin with the object of the operation. When the Magelians were uncovered, most of their equipment was confiscated by the authorities. I say “most,” not “all.” The remains of a combat android were discovered by a corporation called Skyna-Tek. Rather than turn it over, they decided to keep it to try and reverse engineer some of the technology. Fortunately – or unfortunately, depending on your point of view – that android didn’t originally belong to the Magelians. They had stolen it from the Ardonians and they have a strict policy about keeping their technology out of developing worlds like Earth. So they put in a call to Horn.

Horn located the android remains easy enough, but getting them out of Skyna-Tek facility was going to be tricky. That’s when he discovered John A. Smith, alias Joe B. Jones, alias Cecil Wozniak. Mr. Smith-Jones-Wozniak lived very close to the Skyna-Tek facility and dedicated his life to investigating the “world alien conspiracy.” And even better, he was convinced Skyna-Tek was one of conspiracy’s many fronts. It was just too tempting to pass up.

The stratagem Horn came up with was a reverse of Drac’s Egyptian job. Like the Egyptian job it involved a little bit of dress up.

First, Horn quietly showed up at Wozniak’s place at night. Horn made sure there were no witnesses. He arrived in a human disguise designed to make him appear tall, with pale skin and milky eyes, and wearing a black dress suit.

Horn now resembled a Man In Black. The Man In Black is the all-purpose thug/enforcer of the global alien conspiracy. The face was a problem, but that turned out to be plus. He really didn’t look human. Wozniak could clearly see he was an alien.

Horn burst into Wozniak’s house, knocked him around a little bit and threatened him. He told him to stay away from Skyna-Tek, or else. Then he knocked Wozniak out with a neuro stunner and left.

A normal human would have called the authorities and reported an alien incursion, but not Wozniak. He didn’t trust the government one bit. Instead, he immediately hacked into the systems at Skyna-Net. Here’s where things just became a self-feeding loop. Skyna-Tek was involved in something illegal and dangerous. So they tried to protect it as best they could. But hiding alien tech is one of the greatest crimes on Earth right now. They had to get people who were willing to keep their mouths shut first. Their skills at creating cyber security measures were a secondary concern. So when Wozniak broke into their system, he found plenty of suspicious material. And because the security measures were of inferior grade, Wozniak was able to hack all the way into the system and discover where the android remains were being kept.

Horn had been monitoring his progress the whole time, and that’s when he initiated the second phase. And that brings us to Aiyana Thrax, Eldaran mercenary and frequent partner in crime to Kanjar Horn. Eldarans, like my race, bear a striking resemblance to humans. Eldarans are actually closer in appearance to a mythological Earth creature called an elf, but with the right wardrobe they could easily pass for a terran.

Aiyana showed up on Wozniak’s doorstep pretending to be a fellow conspiracy theorist. She told him she was in the same predicament. From what I was told, it was an easy sell. Wozniak was already half conditioned to believe. The other half of his brain was busy staring at Aiyana’s mammary glands. She had chosen her outfit with that in mind. He agreed with her idea of going online with their findings. But they needed the android as proof.

The rest of the operation was a snap. Horn and Aiyana are pros, after all. With Wozniak disabling the security, they were in and out of the Skyna-Tek facility without any incident. Skyna-Tek went bankrupt, and the board members all dropped out of sight. The android was returned and the mission was completed. Unlike Lila Sinclair, Wozniak didn’t get a free trip to see the galaxy. He wouldn’t have accepted one, anyway. But Horn told me something. Wozniak came away from this adventure with the certainty that he had been right all along. For someone like him, there was no greater reward.